Tag Archives: Obama

Prebut of the Rebut: 2013 SOTU

2012 state of the union

I can save you a lot of time tonight, when the President will deliver his State of the Union Address. The entire affair is completely predictable.

First, the President will tell us that the State of the Union is strong. He will then go on to address its points of weakness: jobs, immigration, education, voting, and guns. He will offer practical strategies for addressing all of these, and he will go out of his way to do so in a manner that studiously avoids offending anyone.

Next, the GOP will tell us that the President is a socialist who represents the worst of “big government” intrusion into our private lives. His economic plan will hurt small businesses.  His immigration policy amounts to nothing more than a free ride for illegals on the backs of hard-working Americans. He’s taken God out of the classroom – which explains both poor test scores and school shootings. He’s coming to take your guns away and his wife wants to outlaw corn syrup.

Then they will go home to their districts, where they will proceed to manipulate the democratic process to a state of near-inversion wherein one man has $1 billion votes and most of us have none. Their gerrymandering at the state level will give sparsely populated white Republican districts each their very own representative, while starving the more densely populated urban districts down to just a few. They will change the way their states vote to eliminate the possibility of Democratic victory.

They will continue their prodding – literally – of women along The Handmaid’s Tale path toward losing all reproductive autonomy. They will work to overturn Roe v. Wade, to defend the Defense of Marriage Act, to revive Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and to constitutionally prohibit gay marriage. They will scale the clock tower and turn the hands of time back at least half a century, and they will do it all while proclaiming themselves to be “the party of small government.”

An unwilling coalition of Ayn Rand capitalists and Christian fundamentalists, they are the New Theocracy. The only thing small about them is their minds.

I love you despite your (lack of) politics

Ignorance vs. Apathy cartoon

Like so many American families, we had house guests for the Thanksgiving holiday. I love them dearly and apologize up front if this comes off poorly, but I cannot resist sharing the lesson learned.

X and I have known each other for thirty years. We grew up together, grew apart, and then reconnected. Our childhoods spent in NY, X wound up in New Hampshire while I moved out to the West coast.

During the visit I was horrified to learn – although I had suspected it already – that X had voted for Romney.  I’ve had trouble understanding how anyone could be snowed by him, but there X was, someone I respect, hating on Obama. Sure, X had voted for him the last time but had seen things go from bad to worse in New Hampshire since then. I asked why Obama was to blame.

Me: So what does Obama have to do with what’s going in in New Hampshire?

X:  It’s the kids. They’re all very upset about what he’s done with education.

Me: What’s he done?

X: The student loans are incredible. It’s so expensive, it’s unbelievable. You can’t even afford to think about it.

Me: What does that have to do with him?

X: He cut the funding, didn’t he?

Me: No. The federal government doesn’t fund colleges; they help provide student loans. Almost all of the funding for education comes from the states. That’s the Constitution; education is left totally to the states. The federal government had almost nothing to do with it until Bush gave us No Child Left Behind. Colleges are funded privately or by the state.

X: So why is there no money?

Me: It’s your state. It’s got nothing to do with Obama. Do you pay state taxes in New Hampshire?

X: My property taxes are off the wall.

Me: Granted. But you pay no state income or sales taxes, right?

X: Right.

Me: So where is the money going to come from? How is the state going to fund education if they have no income?

X: Then where does all that tax money go?

Me: Infrastructure. Administration. Roads and bridges. The DMV.

X: Well, I don’t pay attention to politics anyway.

Me: I get that now.

And I love you anyway.

It’s time for President Badass!

President Obama strikes a boxing stance

Well, Mr. President, you did it. Much to the surprise of your opponent and his backing billionaires, you triumphed.  So now that your second term is secured, I’d like to speak to you on behalf of your liberal voters.

Many of us who voted for you the first time did so with the knowledge that your actions would be constrained by the requirements of your seeking re-election. In other words, we knew better than to expect big things from you during your first term. We figured the payoff would come during the second.

Needless to say, you accomplished a hell of a lot anyway, especially considering the fact of complete Congressional obstruction; for that we are grateful. Now, however, is the time for a change in strategy.

We have seen you reach your hand “across the aisle” to achieve bipartisan consensus, only to have it spat upon by opponents who despise you more than they actually disagree with you. We have seen you embrace their ideas, contrary to the desires of your base, only to have them disavowed by their proponents. We have seen you give ground at the beginning of negotiations, fully expectant of reciprocal concessions which were never forthcoming. It’s time to stop trying to meet them in the middle, because they are far to distant from it.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that the Republicans are suddenly going to become cooperative. They will never do anything that threatens to make you look good.  They hate you.

We know that you are a good man in a difficult time who is sincerely doing his best to do right by his country. We know that your are playing what has always been a white man’s game and are amazed at and proud of your ascent. You make us proud of our country. You more than make up for the embarrassment caused us by your predecessor.

Sir, we require no more convincing. We know that you tried, we know that your opposition is intractable, and now we just want you to go back there and haul out President Badass. It’s time to start dominating.

Hey David Axelrod! Here’s some debate prep for the President.

A Happy President Obama

Mr. President, you need to be clear tonight. When you want to tell the YouTube generation what time it is, you have to say it straight:

You’re a middle class guy with middle class values; you’re one of us. Your opponent was an entitled rich kid who grew up to look down on us. He just plain doesn’t like us.

You believe in helping people who can’t necessarily help themselves. Your opponent couldn’t care less about them. He thinks they’re freeloading scum.

You believe that America should be a place where everyone has access to the same high quality medical care regardless of their circumstances. Your opponent’s math goes like this: BANK ACCOUNT = MEDICAL BUDGET = LIFE SPAN.

You believe that women are equal to men and therefore have a natural right to control their own bodies; your opponent, well, who knows what he believes? But his running mate is in favor of forcing a woman to bear her rapist’s – even her father’s – child. Sort of like an American Taliban.

You are a student of history, a believer in science, and a fan of reality. No one knows what your opponent believes, since he denies ever saying anything.

You believe in the DREAM Act. Your opponent is a NIGHTMARE.

Say it all with the soundtrack from 8 Mile playing in your head.

Dear President Obama,

Obama looking bored

Exactly how the Democrats felt last night.

Last night, you spent the first two-thirds of the debate looking like you’d prefer to be off celebrating your wedding anniversary with your wife. I don’t blame you. Most of America would have sided with you on that one. You looked tired and weary. I had a profound desire to hand you a Red Bull and give you a refreshing slap. WTF?

First of all, why in the world did you agree to a debate on the night of your wedding anniversary? Was that really necessary? You could have chosen another night and had a clear head for it. And while we were all aware of the occasion and expecting you to mention it at some point, leading with it was awkward. It came off as resentful. Evidence of the fact that you would have preferred to be somewhere else.

Secondly, why do you persist in being so damned nice? Do you think it’s getting you anywhere? Really, Mr. President, you do not need to point out the places where you agree with your opponent before you go on to discussing your differences; you’ve lost us by then. Can’t you just lead with the contrasts? Have you learned nothing about our attention span? Or did you not hear the sound of channels changing across America?

Most importantly, why do you resist attacking your opponent? He’s your OPPONENT. You ATTACK him. There is a history of lies and conflicting positions there for you to exploit, a wealth of blunders and misstatements to cite. Speak them. Number them. Repeat them. Our memories are short.

Lastly, I’d like you to reconsider your audience. You spoke to the American people last night with the tone of a man who holds us in high regard. Please lower your expectations. America is not Harvard or Columbia. America is Denny’s and Fox News. You need to speak the language.

You can do it. Just pretend you’re seventeen again.

playing it safe

The US is getting ready to veto a UN vote in favor of Palestinian statehood.  Why?  The official line insists that the best path to statehood lies through direct negotiations between Israel and the Palestinians — not as a directive from outsiders.  While the Palestinians have the votes on their side and liberals like me would love to see them get their state, this claim still warrants examination.

What would be the worst case scenario, then, if the U.N. vote actually managed to recognize a Palestinian state?  Israel would not be willing, or perhaps even able, to remove its settlers from the Palestinian territories.  Palestine might seek to evict its resident Israelis through a process that mirrors their own displacement a generation ago.  The Israeli government would send its military in to defend its citizens. The UN would back Palestine and the US would have a difficult decision to make — one which the Obama administration might understandably wish to avoid.  A veto is their safest bet.